Giving Back

All good things must come to an end and today was the day my July winning streak ended. Before today, this month I had not booked a losing session but toady I dropped exactly $50, 2 buy-ins, over 972 hands (-10.25BB/100). The worst part is that it didn't needed to be nearly so bad. I started playing badly, getting overly aggressive with not much, trying to buy pots, and generally just spewing chips. I know better. I know that when I see a player pushing too much and getting caught too much and just playing too much, I'll look that player up lighter than I normally would and that's exactly what was happening to me today. I was the spewtard. I was the giving tree. I was giving back.

A word of warning the following replay is not for the squeamish:


and again (only slightly better I guess)


I'm sorry you had to witness that.

When I make these hyper donktastic plays I often want to run away from the table but I seldom do and I'm wondering if I should. Do I start playing different after these plays? Do I play tighter, looser, more aggressive, less aggressive, do I fold to more cbets, float more flops, make better or worse decisions? In other words how do these big mistakes effect the rest of my game and should I flee after I make them? I don't know.

One thing I do know is that I keep chat off so the flight response I get after I do these things is not because anything anyone is saying. I also don't think it's really about losing the $$ (yes that's how we keep score but I'm properly rolled and I can afford to lose it). I honestly think it's more shame than anything. Shame felt for making the -EV play. Shame for disrespecting my opponent and what their bets should have been telling me. I'm embarrassed by these plays and I don't want to be. Specifically I don't want to make mistakes but when I do I want it to be for the right reason. I want to know that if I push 55 it's because I thought it was the best play to make the most $$ long term, not because I was just praying my opponent would fold.

So my new goal is to make fewer plays that I am ashamed of. We'll see how that works out and how it effects my bottom line.